Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Going to the gym with a trainer.. kicking my ass. Baby girl is 12 weeks yesterday. I am tired as hell, oh and i am gonna be late picking up my kids from school.

Friday, March 21, 2008


I just found out that someone I trusted has been lying to me for a very long time. It is horrible how I found out, someone else told me the truth and man it hurt. I had a love hate relationship with this someone and I am completely shattered. I don't have words.

It's... my scale. Bitch, she has been lying to me for over a year. She got a crack and I faithfully kept using her not noticing a huge change in her amounts so I just kept using it. I have been using it over my whole pregnancy and up until recently I noticed that she was giving me funny answers. Like I had gained a lot of weight one day, and lost it all by the afternoon.

So this whole 7.5 lbs I have been bragging about, nope not 195, more like 200 lbs still. I wish the bitch kept lying to me.

I had someone over charge me for something, how come you charge the card and it takes affect immediately, but when you get a refund the shit can take 30 fucking days! It was over a thousand dollars overcharged to me.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My new reason for living

There is going to be a new X-Men movie, I think it is supposed to be all about Wolverine. Oh my gosh.. this man (besides my husband) is my reason for living! And for those of you who live in a cave, this piece of deliciousness is Hugh Jackman.

Monday, March 17, 2008

What a difference a pill makes!

Oh for your information the bp is now better than it was the other day. It is in the range of 136/69 last night.

I am actually watching my friends kids for her today. I can't believe that I have 6 kids in my house. And for the record most of them are girls. I have 3 little girls having trouble figuring out how and what to play. It is a bit stressful but we are handling ourselves I think.

Since I have been feeling better I feel more calm and not so stressed out. I am not nearly concerned with the whole what the hell am I doing thoughts! I think I was just thinking I needed to be so dependent on everyone because hey I had 4 kids, but actually I just need to keep myself in better situations..hold on kids screaming, ok my littlest one was expressing his displeasure with change.

After making the choice to start working out, I feel better about doing something for myself. I can look forward to some quality me time. I also feel like things between my husband and I are so much better. For one my libido is back a bit, and I am interested in sex. However it isn't what it used to be and it used to be really freaking good. I mean really good! But alas I must wait for my body to get back to normal.

For the record: after going up the stairs and not yelling: 120/82

I am so excited we are planning a destination vacation this year. I am so excited about laying on a beach seeing my children play in the sand, pedicures and facials, and a kids care program. That is all me! I can't wait. But I will be waiting until October.

What do you get a guy for a 10 year wedding anniversary? We have until October to come up with an answer.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Starting my workout on Thursday

What I look like now:

What I wanna look like when I am done:

Ok maybe I am aiming high in all areas but its a goal! Maybe I will post a before and after picture if I look hotter than her.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Guess what?

Do you know why your headaches constantly even with vic*din? Can you say hey dumbass you have high blood pressure:

Sunday at Urgent care: 164/115 - nurse says your gonna have a stroke!

Wednesday night when no medication works: 153/103

Thursday at Dr. Smartass (I like him though, so its ok) appt: 150/100

Saturday night after doing lots of laundry and drinking something: 141/86

Normal by the way is 120/80! We are getting there. Sorry if anyone missed me, I just needed to get this whole having a stroke stuff together!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Germs R Us

Well we managed to get some more germs in the dog household. I am currently battling the worst sinus infection ever. I knew something was wrong with me when I didn't want to eat. And anyone who knows me knows that I love my food. I mean I even have a favorite bread, and potato chip!
My youngest is currently screaming for me to come rescue her from her bassinet and I don't want to pick her up. I feel like I have her permanently harnassed to me like some kind of horse to a hitch. I need a break. Yesterday (because my head was pounding like someone was doing a drum solo on it) I let her cry while I started dinner. She was tired, clean and dry, and I had just fed her. She passed out and slept until dinner time was over. It was nice. I felt bad but realized that sometimes she indeed needs to cry.
My cousin whom I haven't talked to in almost a year contacted me. It has been a long rough road between us and we were always so close. We are about 2 years apart but we basically were buddies. We are supposed to meet for breaksfast we will see how that goes.
I picked her up and she stopped crying.. I guess 10 week olds need love too. She was 13lbs 10ozs zt her last check up, chunky and cute!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

She saved me..

A friend of my sister's called today. We have become really good friends. Our conversation today helped to realize that it isn't really that bad. I just need to make decisions for myself. She always grounds me and is a really great friend. We will call her Dr. Bigsis

Like my mother in law, I am not going to call her or offer her any advice. I think the reason why I am so hurt by her indifference is because she often pretends like she cares. I have to realize that I can't invest anymore of my time or energies on her anymore. She is not that important to me. My children and husband are.

I also have to let my sister handle her own problems. She lives too far away for me to run to her side all the time. She also has to get more realistic expectations.

I have to focus on something for myself so I am going to focus on a destination vacation for this year...with a sexy swimsuit and my children playing on the beach.

Monday, March 3, 2008


On one of my favorite shows they give each person a card that allows them the " Right TO Rant", they can talk about anything that is bothering them. I have decided that I will give myself and anyone else who wants to join in the chance to RTR also.

Why would someone who spent most of the week not eating and in the fetal position go to fucking Taekw*ndo class to work out for an hour, oh without eating also!

Why am I in a bitchy mood when I am over worked and overtired?

Why did my friend cancel on me about an hour before I expected her to show?

Why do I beg for a break only to never receive one?

Why won't my daughter not take breastmilk or for that matter anything from a bottle?

Why did she give up the pacifier?

Why do my breasts leak even after my daughter nurses on them?

What possesses a 2 year old to spit chewed food on his plate and spit soda on my walls?

Why do I feel so freaking incompetent?

And why did said husband ask me if I needed a break when he was just going to go to bed early and leave me with 4 kids to get into bed and laundry to do?

When will I go finish school (my second degree) and start doing what I am passionate about?

Why does my husband talk about how much money I spend to everyone who will listen, does he resent me? Why doesn't understand how much that hurts my feelings?

I absolutely love and hate my life at the same time...

Why do I just wanna cry.

Water buffalo

Thats about what I look like today, and about how I feel.

The longest freaking week of my life..

So when your husband is barfing his brains out everyday and its not the pain killer what could it about a allergic reaction to Keflex! Sweet I say. So then we get new meds hubby all better.
But not so much better that he can help out with any of the 4 children we have nor do any cleaning or organization for the birthday party. Grr
How about your mother telling you that you do too much for your kids birthdays. Yes we had a photographer, but i also had a new baby, a toddler, a bouncy and parents to make sure were happy. I made my son's cake. It was great and I loved seeing his face when I gave it to him. He was so happy.
At the moment he is loving his baby sister and she is loving him, it makes it all worth it.
I am so freaking tired. I didn't sleep last night, my daughter projectile vomitted breastmilk all over me. And I had to get us both clean. I slept so hard last night I peed myself (know that I won't ever reveal my identity now that I have said that). I have the worse bladder control ever, seeing as I have been pregnant freaking 5 times I don't feel so bad about it. And it isn't really my fault.
My mom wasn't as helpful as I had hoped, I don't think she was well. It sucks too because she seemed be avoiding telling me what was going on. I guess the next time she comes we can just shop and hang out. I used to miss my mother but when I realized I am the mommy now I just got used to her not being present. She has never been a super affectionate person so this idea isn't something I wasn't expecting.
My sister called to say they found a lump in her breast. Of course my sister is across the pond from me so I can't just hop in my car and run to her side (not to mention I have 4 kids and just can't go anywhere). She wants a Louie V. bag for her birthday (no fakes please). But considering I don't have one and I don't have a spare 1000 for a bag laying around, and my husband has missed a week of work, she is not getting it. So I will be on her shit list soon. Well its monday maybe this week will be better? Hah

I am so dumb..

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