Tuesday, February 26, 2008

That freaking evil nightmare...

I have been having the same nightmare for years. It is the same. I wake up crying and sometimes overly upset beyond words. Inconsolable.

Last night my husband was introducing me to this new blonde bombshell (point number one I am not blonde nor could I be considered a bombshell), his new wife. Her diamond ring was way bigger than mine and she was flawless(point number 2 I have been pregnant or nursing someone at least 5 times, needless to say I am not flawless). She was on a vacation with me and my husband and our children. He explains that she will be here to get to know the kids. Mind you I am still breastfeeding our last. I am informed that once I am done breastfeeding we will be getting a divorce and this other woman will be raising and taking care of my children. She tries to intervene when I am talking to my oldest son and I tell her," Bitch I don't know what you did but these are still my children and always will be." My dream ends with me knocking over chairs and walking on the beach at night alone, staring at the ocean wondering if I can drown myself and he won't have to bother. Next thing I see him running down the beach to stop me, "You can't drown yourself until your done nursing the baby". I don't see him say it only hear it. Maybe it was me talking.
I wake up to hear my daughter fussing next to me in the bed, trying to find my breast to nurse. I was so upset. I hate dreaming that he will leave me and I dream it often. These dreams come out of no where, he never has said or done anything to make me think otherwise, I wonder if it is my insecurities talking. I hate that damn dream, it sucks donkey balls!

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