Confessional

I am sitting here on my bed while my 7 week old daughter sleeps fitfully and my 2 year old still slumbers, and my other two are off to school. I finally have some time to myself. However I am in the throws of a horrible headache. It reminds me that I am not young anymore and that kinda sucks. I want to continue to be young but then I would never see my children grown and that would suck even more.

I first started reading blogs when I lost my third child. I will have to tell that story next time but for now just know that all the blogs I read brought me such comfort. Each day after my D & E became easier and easier, when I knew I wasn't the only one who had experienced such pain. I found most of the bloggers I read to be so funny and witty. It was such a emotional journey to be able to share in their sorrows and joys. To experience someone else's pain helps you to see that the pain your experiencing isn't so horrible sometimes. Or if it is that bad you will live and move on or at least move in a different direction.

I am the mother of 4 beautiful children, two boys and two girls. They bring me such joy and often times so much frustration. I never really understood why everyone tells new couples it is the best thing you will ever experience. (I have been married 10 years to the love of my life.) Not mentioning that you will want to run away from home sometimes and that you will consider sending your child(ren) to a relative in a distant country. That you and your spouse will want to beat each other up when the other gives that sigh (I don't really want to do what you ask) and grudging does it. Often times slamming doors or using foul language while that task is done. I am usually the one using the foul language. Haha Don't get me wrong getting married and having children is one of the best things I have ever done but it is hard work and always has been.

So I have created this environment for me to voice my frustrations, to share my thoughts and to use this land as a constructive place for other people experiencing the same things. For now I will be the unseen and unknown lady because I am not ready to share that part of me yet.