Friday, February 22, 2008


I have been thinking a lot about my history (family wise). I think about my kids looking to their past and their relatives and I am very sad by what I see. My mother (whom I love more than anything) seems to be closest to my kids. Like most families we live away from her (she lives in a state that I don't want to live in at all, being raised there was punishment enough) and this distance doesn't seem to diminish her love for them. And vise versa. However she doesn't seem to want to spend large amounts of time with them. Four days at a time and not a day more.
My father well lets just say my kids have no interest at all in talking to him and neither do I. He seemed to specialize in abuse. He was abused by his mother as a child and instead of disliking it and not doing it to his children he perpetuated it. I can recall being hit with whatever he could get a hold of. How horrible that was.
My sister and I have a even more bitter relationship. She lives far from me and we can't just get together at the drop of a hat. Actually she and I haven't seen each other for about 3 years. We talk often and I am reminded that I suck at not bending myself over backward to give her whatever she wants. She feels that I owe her because my family does better than hers. I was constantly trying to prove my love with things and when I realized the things didn't work I stopped trying all together.
I have more siblings but lets just leave it at that. I am sure that you probably know more about them than my sister and I do.
My mother in law is what I like to call a great big pain in the ass. I was going to say butt but you know what I don't have to censor the truth. She is like a mixture of a 16 year old girl dating for the first time, a constant complainer, has high expectations and could get lost in a brown paper bag. It is hilarious to hear her call and say" Hi, HD I am leaving now. I will see you in about 10 hours." And no kidding she will take 5 hours to do what takes me 45 minutes. All of it on a freeway that goes in a straight line. It is freaking unbelievable. Then when she gets to my house she is like a cat straight out of a dryer, fur sticking up, hot and pissed. That always makes for a wonderful visit. To make matters worse I swear her boyfriend is a pedophile. He is an old friend of my husbands (audible gasp!), and my husband swears he is on the up and up. I still watch him like a hawk and I always will. Yeah I know he is 15 years younger than my mil and 10 years older than my husband. Gross! Oh and she only wants to claim being a grandmother to show off pictures of our kids. Not to hold them or take them out. She has watched our kids overnight once and my oldest is 9! Her house is a pigsty and a covered in a layer of what looks like dust and ashes. So I don't push the subject anymore.
My father in law blames my husband and I for his divorce. Funny thing is that he is the one who was doing all the cheating. He got careless with the woman he had been cheating with for the last 30 something years. It is ridiculous. So we don't talk at all. And we pass his house on the way to my mil new diggs.
So my kids are going to have a terrible time with there aunts, uncle and grandparents. I feel bad that I can't make people do better but I have to be all things to them now because they aren't going to.
I haven't gotten to my husband's siblings we have to save them for another day. It is a story even you couldn't have made up!

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